#and the people talking about it with grandmas and moms and dads!! the people posting film recs in the notes and gifs!!!

[hotvintagepoll]

This entire event (including all the yelling and propaganda) is giving me the will to live. (I wasn't in a bad place or anything, but this is like confetti and frosting and glow in the dark stickers.)

Thank you!! :D

[reflectionsofgalaxies]

Found out today that my grandma has been explaining to her older friends why it’s important to practice using singular they/them pronouns, and also politely asking for pronouns if they’re unsure. I love my grandma so fucking much 💖

[onlyfezco]

Obvious - Fezco

Summary: You insist on meeting your cousin Rue's drug dealer and an interesting friendship develops in the process.

Fezco x Reader

Word Count: 4,840

Author's Note: Started this in March of 2022 and it's finally getting posted lol. This is my first Fezco fic since Angus' passing which is so hard to type I'm crying at that. I still miss him. A lot. Dividers from @firefly-graphics

Rue was your closest cousin. Not that you had many, and the few you did have lived somewhere outside of East Highland, but that was beside the point. She was a year younger than you, so the two of you spent most of your childhood glued to one another. When her dad died, you saw the toll it took on her. You realized then that she started using but she played it off like she had it all under control. That’s what an addict does. Eventually you did confront her about it. She said it was mostly weed, so you let it slide. One day she had you drive her to restock her supply. That’s when you met Fezco for the first time.

“So you’re the guy selling my baby cousin drugs,” you blurted out after Rue did a quick introduction then started making her way to Ashtray behind the refrigerated drinks.

“Y/N, what the fuck,” Rue shouted at you annoyed. “You’re only a year older than me.”

“A year and three months,” you corrected. You only got specific with the three months to annoy Rue. You crossed your arms over your chest as you eyed the ginger sitting on the counter in front of you. “And how old are you?”

Fez observed you carefully. It’s not everyday some random person immediately brings up him selling drugs directly to his face. Especially a cute random person. “You always talk to new people like this?”

“Only when my cousin’s health is at stake.” You sighed and shook your head. “Look, I don’t have beef with you. I realized a while ago that Rue’s gonna do what she wants. I just want to make sure she’s being safe about it... well, as safe as you can get with drugs.���

Fez nodded along as you spoke understanding your concern for your cousin. He knew Rue wasn’t going around promoting that she was doing drugs or that he sold. You were just looking out for her. “I get it.”

“I’ve heard too many stories about people overdosing on Fentanyl or something they didn’t know was laced with Fentanyl. I don’t want to find out that happened to my cousin.”

“You don’t have to worry, ma. I don’t mess with that shit. All my stuff is good.”

You squinted at him taking in his words. “Better be. Otherwise I’m gonna kick your ass.”

Fez chuckled. He didn’t doubt for a second you wouldn’t fight behind Rue. “Understood.”

“You go to school with Rue? I ain’t never seen you ‘round before.” Fez went to most of the East Highland High School parties to deal. Since he’s never seen you there, either you didn’t go to that school, or you didn’t go to parties. Either way, he was missing out on you. 

“Oh God, no,” you said. “I go to Centenary.”

“Oh, so you smart smart.” You smiled and rolled your eyes at Fezco’s statement, and he decided right then and there that was something he wanted to see more of.

“Something like that,” you replied giggling.

“You ready to go, Y/N,” Rue popped up practically out of no where and asked. Damn, why did Rue have to be so quick.

“Uhh, yeah,” you said to your cousin. Rue shoved her hands into her dad’s old maroon jacket and started to walk out the store. You turned to Fezco and said, “I’m gonna be watching you, sir.”

Fez smiled at the thought. “I look forward to it, ma.”

After that, you made a few impromptu trips to Fez’s store without Rue. You told him your grandma lived in the neighborhood, which she did, so it wasn’t a lie. But Fez did point out that before Rue, you had never came to the store before. 

“I mean I could always go somewhere else for my carbonated beverages if you want,” you said as you turned on your heel to leave the store without making your usual purchase.

“Nah,” Fez replied grabbing your wrist stopping you, “I ain’t say all that.”

When your mom told you that Rue overdosed, you couldn’t help but feel guilty. Maybe if you had told your Aunt Leslie what Rue was doing, she could have got some help. But you knew Rue. Ever since her dad’s death she had been struggling. She would have to finally deal with that grief if she was going to stop, and you knew that was the last thing she wanted to do.

A few days after Rue’s overdose, you went to visit Fezco. You weren’t sure if he knew or not. Even though he was her dealer, he was close to Rue, so you thought he should know. And it would be better coming from you than to hear it on the street.

“Well if it isn’t Y/N Y/L/N,” Fezco greeted you with a smile on his face. 

You tried to smile at the red head, but it was weak. “Hey Fezco.”

“What’s wrong,” Fez asked, immediately knowing something was up.

You walked to him fiddling with your fingers nervous to tell him about your cousin. “Uh... it’s Rue,” you said looking up at him with somber eyes. “She overdosed.”

Fez’s face became tense. He didn’t question it. He wasn’t shocked, just sad.

You couldn’t take looking into his piercing blue eyes any longer and set your eyes on the candy on the counter. “She’s still at the hospital going through withdrawals. Aunt Leslie’s going to put her in rehab when she gets out.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” Fez said as he placed his hand on your arm to comfort you. Your eyes met his again and you could tell he genuinely felt bad.

“Its..,” you paused and laughed. “I was going to say it’s okay, but its not. She didn’t die, so that’s great but... I didn’t know it was this bad with her.”

Fez dropped his hand and leaned against the counter behind him. “Why’d you come here, ma?”

You looked at him confused. “What are you talking about? Rue’s your friend, I thought you should know.”

“She is but... you ain’t come here to blame me?”

You were taken aback. “No, Fez. It’s not your fault. Rue made a choice. And if she didn’t get her drugs from you, it would be someone else.”

Fez was quiet as he took in what you said. You wanted to, no, needed him to understand this wasn’t his fault. 

“Listen to me Fezco. Rue’s got a lot of problems that she has to deal with. She was using drugs to cope with her grief. I know you wouldn’t want her to OD. I’d rather know she was going to you for her fix, than some random guy who didn’t give two shits about whether or not she lived or died. So I don’t want you putting any of this on yourself, okay?”

Fez gave a small nod to let you knew he understood. You don’t know if he actually believed what you said, but you were glad it was out there. 

Over the summer, you visited the store more frequently. You did see him outside the store once at a pool party. Of course you pointed out that you’d never seen him at a party before. Your crowd was a little different than the East Highland High School bunch. Fez played it off though, but you knew he was only there for you. 

An unexpected hangout occurred one evening when you stopped by the store on a cloudy day. The flow of customers was already crazy slow, then it started raining and store had been empty besides you, Fez, and Ash for the last hour.  

“Aye, bro, can we go home? I’m bored as shit,” Ash said coming from behind the refrigerators. 

Fez looked to you sitting on top of the freezer that held the popsicles and ice-cream before he spoke. “Uh, yeah. Go head and pack up.”

You hopped off your self designated spot in store. “Welp, I guess that’s my queue to head home.” 

“Nah,” Fez said and stopped you in your tracks. “You ain’t gotta go home.”

“But I gotta get outta here,” you interrupted giggling. 

“Nah, ma. I was finna say you could come to my place and hang... if you want.”

Your eyebrows shot up. Fez’s and your relationship mostly consisted of you just hanging out at his store while he worked. The two of you texted every now and then, but that was about it. 

“Oh... Uh, sure,” you managed to stammer out. Then you realized that didn’t sound very enthusiastic so you added, “Yeah, I’d love to come over.”

You followed Fez and Ashtray home in your car since you drove yourself to the store. You were anxious the whole way there and the rain definitely wasn’t helping. 

Fez’s place looked homey. The living room felt familiar; the couches reminding you of your grandma’s house. 

“You want anythin’ to drank,” Fez asked making his way to the kitchen.

“Uh, no, I’m good. Thanks though,” you replied slowly making your way to where he went. It was always awkward the first time you went over to a friend’s house. 

Fez reappeared from the kitchen with a beer in his hand. He eyed you for a second before speaking. “You want to watch a movie or somethin’?”

The rest of the evening was spent on Fez’s couch, watching old 90′s movies. Even Ashtray joined you for one. It was nice. It felt normal, not like you somehow became friends with you cousin’s drug dealer.

“Oh my God, Fezzy,” you shouted excitedly. “You won’t believe- Rue,” you paused when you saw your cousin coming from the back door that led to Ashtray. You glanced at Fez, then back to Rue. “What are you doing here?”

“Just popped in for a visit,” Rue answered. Her hands fidgeted in her pockets of her dad’s jacket. 

“Unhuh...,” you hummed knowing she didn’t just stop by to see the boys.

“What are you doing here,” Rue asked curious.

“I came by to see Fez,” you stated quickly. “You just got out of rehab, Rue.”

Rue rolled her eyes at you. “Yeah, and I had no plans on staying clean. I learned my lesson cuz. I know my limits now.”

You shook your head in disbelief. “You only know your limits cause you overdosed Rue! You almost died!���

“Key word being almost.”

“Oh my God,” you shook your head again turning away from the conversation. “I’ll talk to you later, Fez,” you said then turned to walk out of the store.

“Hey, Y/N,” Rue said and you stopped in your tracks. “You’re not gonna tell my mom are you?”

You huffed exhausted by your cousin. You telling her mom should be the least of her concerns. You still faced the door but turned your head to look at Rue. Your eyes glossed over with frustrated tears. “I wish you cared about yourself like the rest of us do.” 

Two weeks went by before you saw Fez again. The ginger was starting to think you blamed him for Rue’s relapse. Even though you had told him Rue made a choice to do drugs so it wasn’t his fault, your silence made him think you thought otherwise now. 

It was Sunday afternoon when Fez heard someone at his door. He looked through the peephole and saw you, then quickly opened the door.

“What’s up, ma?”

“Hey... I went by the store first but you weren’t there. I know I should have called or something, but I just wanted to see you.”

“Nah, you good. I’m just surprised is all.”

“Is this a bad time?”

“Nah, come in,” Fez said then stepped to the side to let you in. 

“Thanks,” you replied as you walked past him. You had only been in Fez’s place once, but it felt familiar. You just stood in the entry way while Fez closed the door. “Um, can we talk?”

“Yeah, come on,” Fez said nodding towards the living room. 

Fez took his usual place on the couch and you followed suit sitting beside him.

“I’m sorry about ghosting you these last two weeks,” you said, not being able to make eye contact with him. You felt guilty for ignoring him even though your issues were with Rue. Fez just sat there quiet. He wasn’t a man of many words, but you needed him to say something. “Not to sound cliché, but it was me not you.”

“It sure felt like it was because of me,” Fez said.

You turned on the couch to face him more. “It wasn’t, Fez. I promise. I’m mad at Rue, and I didn’t know how to deal with it.”

“Yeah, but she got her drugs from me and Ash. I could have told her no.”

“And then she would have thrown a fit and went somewhere else. Probably somewhere dangerous.” 

“Why you keep makin’ excuses for me? You shouldn’t be anywhere near me.”

“What,” you asked, your eyebrows pinched together in confusion. “Fez, no, I don’t want to be anywhere else but near you.” You spoke before you could realize what you were saying but it was true. Fez finally looked towards you and you averted his eyes. The silence was too loud. You were careful with your next words. “If I have to tell you every day, then I will,” you said slowly then looked back up at him. “Rue’s choice to do drugs, and keep doing them after her OD, is hers and hers alone. It’s not your fault.” 

Fez took in what you said and how it made him feel then began to shake his head. “Nah, y/n. You tryin’ to justify it still don’t make it right.”

“Fine,” you said exhausted, throwing your hands up in the air. “It’s not right! Rue coping with drugs. You selling her drugs. None of it is right, okay! But Rue is family and you’re my friend. So I’m not going anywhere,” you shouted then just fell back into the couch crossing your arms over your chest. 

Fez just watched you from his place on the couch. Anger and annoyance evident on your face. The situation sucked, but Fez didn’t want to lose you. He was worried if Rue overdosed again, not only would he lose a sister, but you would never forgive him. Regardless of how much you told him it wasn’t his fault she was on drugs, he was the supplier. But, if you wanted to keep being friends with him, who was he to tell you no. 

“Aight, ma,” Fez drawled out in his usual tone. 

“Aight what,” you asked for clarification. 

“You’re right... and stubborn,” Fez said, trying to stifle a laugh. 

You eyed him cautiously. “Elaborate.” 

Fez stayed sitting forward, but turned his head turned towards you and let it fall back on the couch. “Rue’s gonna find a way to do drugs whether or not I give them to her. She was on them before she met me.”

You uncrossed your arms resting them in your lap as you sighed feeling sorry about your cousin. You hated the mess she got in and wished for nothing more than her sobriety. While you were thinking about Rue, Fez’s hand grabbed your forearm then slid down to your hand, pulling it so it was on the empty cushion space between you two, so he could hold it.

“And you’re right about us being friends,” Fez continued. You bit your lip trying to stop your grin from getting too big, and Fez returned a small smile. 

After that day, you had seen less of Fez than you usually had in the summer. It was your senior year, so you were busy trying to keep your grades up while staying active in your clubs. You explained your schedule to Fez so he didn’t trip at the fact that he was seeing less of you. 

Things between you and Rue were strained. After you talked to Fez, you talked to your cousin and told her if she kept doing drugs you weren’t going to stick around and watch her kill herself. You were no longer holding any sympathy for what she was going through. Your Aunt Leslie and Gia managed to keep living without having their grief hold them back, why couldn’t Rue at least try? But Rue became spiteful, not caring that you were cutting yourself off from her. 

You missed how things were in the summer. No stress. Rue was in rehab so you knew she was safe. Spending afternoons at Fez’s store. Missing Fez was how you found yourself at an East Highland party. One of your friends brought it up and you were quick to agree to the outing. You knew he would be dealing at the party, and that was more than enough of a reason to go.

“Hey,” Rue said plopping down on the couch by Fez.

“What’s up, kid?”

“What’s going on with you and my cousin,” Rue asked, cutting straight to the chase. She was never one to beat around the bush.

“Whatchu mean,” Fez asked.

“Y/N doesn’t do parties. Especially not East Highland parties. And I know she’s not here for me.”

“Shit, she might be here for you,” Fez replied nonchalantly but he was hoping you were here for him. He missed seeing you on a regular basis. 

“Nah, she’s not even talking to me right now. Cut me off cause I won’t stop using. Trying to teach me a lesson or some shit,” Rue said while she rolled her eyes. “So much for family.”

“Don’t say that shit, Rue.” Fez was getting agitated, because he knew how much you cared for her. “That girl loves you. She just wants you to do better.”

“If she loved me, she wouldn’t leave,” Rue argued, her shoulders tensing up. 

“Nah, kid. That’s not how love works. She just doesn’t want to sit around and watch you kill yo’self.”

Rue sat there stunned, your words replaying in her head. “That’s exactly what Y/N told me... how much have you two been hanging out?”

Fez just shook his head as he took his blunt from behind his ear and lit it. “She misses you. Talk to her, Rue.”

You had been at the party for about an hour now. Attempting to play it cool as if Fez wasn’t the sole reason for you being there, you were trying to wait before you went and actually spoke to him. You noticed him a few minutes after you arrived. The two of you made eye contact and waved, but that was it.

Finally managing to leave your friends, you were making your way to Fezco when Rue stepped in front of you.

“Oh sor- hey Rue.”

“Hey, cuz,” Rue said. She looked... nervous. She was fidgeting with her jacket’s hood strings. Her eyes looking practically everywhere else but at you. “Um, can we talk for a sec?”

You looked past her to see Fez still sitting on the couch. Some guy coming up to him to make a deal. “Uh, yeah. Of course. Let’s step outside.”

Rue nodded, then you both made your way to the front door. There was too much going on in the backyard to have a private conversation there. You opened the door and let Rue step out into the cool night air first. 

You leaned against one of the front porch beams while Rue just stood there awkwardly and shoved her hands into her jacket pockets. 

The silence between you two was awkward which was a first. You tried to wait for Rue to speak, but she struggled to find the words.

“What’s up, Rue?”

“Umm, I just- I,” Rue stammered out while she fidgeted in her spot. “Shit, I’m sorry, Y/N. We’ve never not talked to each other like this and I hate it. I miss you.”

You sighed, sorrow filling your eyes. “I miss you, too, cousin.”

Rue’s eyes glossed over as she started to smile. “Uh, I haven’t been using as much anymore.”

You reached out and placed your hand on her wrist for a moment. “That’s great.”

Rue nodded, her eyes dogging around. “Yeah... I met someone.”

“Oh,” you replied, your eyebrows rising up in surprise. You were thrilled Rue was using less, but you knew if her sobriety was because of a person, it wouldn’t last long. “Do I know them?”

“No, she’s new. Her name is Jules.”

“Jules,” you repeated, making sure you pronounced it right.

Rue nodded, her smile growing bigger. “Yeah, she’s here tonight. Pretty blonde in the bright pink mini skirt.”

“You look happy.”

She ran her fingers through her curls, pushing her hair back. “I’m working on it.”

It was quiet for a moment as you looked down at your cousin. “Hey, Rue.”

“Yeah?”

“I know we haven’t been talking, but... you know I’m here if you need me.” You placed your hand on her shoulder and squeezed.

“I know,” Rue said nodding. Then you placed your other hand on her shoulder and pulled her in for a hug. Since you were on the step above her, you towered over her in the hug so you sat your chin on her head.

“Okay... you can let go now, Y/N,” Rue said after you were holding onto her a little too long.

“No, gotta make up for lost time,” you said, hugging her tighter.

“It wasn’t that much time.”

“It felt like forever,” you said dragging out the r then placing a bunch of kisses on Rue’s head.

“Ew, okay okay, I get it,” Rue said squirming in your arms. “Why don’t you go and kiss Fez?”

You stopped abruptly, pulling back slightly to look down at Rue. “Why would you say that? Did he... did he say something to you?”

Rue gently pushed herself out of your arms. “No, but it’s obvious something is happening between you two.”

“What,” you asked shaking your head, nervously running your hand over your hair. “Nothing’s happening. We’re just friends.”

“Yeah, friends who wanna fuck,” Rue replied. She was always the blunt one in the family. 

“Rue!”

“Am I wrong,” she asked, her eyes on you.

“Uhh-I mean...”

“Un huh. Just tell him how you feel,” Rue said as she started to make her way back into the party.

“You say that like it’s so easy.”

Rue turned around so she was walking backwards now. “It is when the other person likes you back.” Then she turned back around and you lost sight of her in the sea of people.

“But...,” you shouted then began to whisper since you no longer saw her, “how do you know he likes me?”

Now you were nervous. You weren’t really one to flirt, at least not on purpose anyway. It was one thing to act normal around Fez and pretend you didn’t have a huge crush on him, it was another for someone to tell you he liked you and pretend to be normal. What if Rue was wrong? What if whatever sign she was getting from Fezco, was just him being a good friend, and not him being interested in you?

You made your way back into the party, but completely passed by the living room and went straight for the bathroom. Surprisingly, there wasn’t a line so you went right in. You locked the door then went to the mirror to look at yourself. Everything was still in place. Your lipstick was perfect. Your hair styled the way you liked it. Now, if only you could get that look of fear off your face. 

“Breath, Y/N,” you said to yourself. You took a long exhale then inhaled. “Rue wouldn’t lie to you... well, maybe about drugs but not about this. And it’s Fez. Just put out some feelers to see where his head is at.” You nodded at yourself then turned the faucet on to splash a little water on yourself. Then your eyes grew wide as you thought, looking at yourself in the mirror again. “But what if he’s just being nice? IT’S FEZ! He’d never intentionally be mean to me. So how will I know if he’s only being polite and not actually flirting with me. Ughh!”

You dried your hand on a nearby towel then turned away from the mirror. You took some deep breaths to try and shake off the nervous feeling growing in the pit of your stomach. “Okay. It’s fine. You’re fine.” You thought about every time you hung out with Fez over the summer. Going to his house for the first time. Him giving you candy for free at the store. Him holding your hand on his couch. Fez was a good friend and you didn’t want to lose that, but you couldn’t keep holding your feelings for the ginger in. 

“Hey Y/N,” Fezco said once you stopped in front of him. A small smile growing on his lips. Somehow his eyes managed to shimmer in the crappy living room lighting. 

“Uh can you give me a ride home? I don’t feel so hot and I can’t find my friends.”

Technically it wasn’t a lie. You didn’t feel great. Your anxiety about asking Fez how he felt about you made you sick to your stomach.

“Sure thing, ma,” Fez replied, getting up from the couch without a second thought. Add that to the list of reasons you liked Fez. He would drop everything for you. The party wasn’t done so there was still money to be made, yet here he was, walking you out the party to his car.

The ride was quiet and awkward which was unusual. You only felt awkward around Fez when you had to bring up Rue’s drug addiction. Glancing over at Fez, he was oblivious to the worry that was going on in your head. His eyes focused on the dark road ahead as he nodded along to the music. The streetlights highlighting his freckles as you drove through the neighborhood. 

“Do you like me,” you asked, interrupting Fez.

Fez’s eyes left the road for a moment confused at your sudden change in the conversation. He readjusted himself in his spot before he spoke. “Yeah, course I like you. Wouldn’t be giving you a ride home if I didn’t.”

You shook your head annoyed. “No, Fez. I mean do you like like me? Like if we were in middle school and you found a note in your locker that said ‘do you like me? Yes or no.’ Which one would you circle?”

“Oh.”

Oh. OH! What did he mean by oh. Your brain was running a mile a minute now. Fez better say something else and quick. 

After what felt like forever, but was only about 5 seconds. “Yeah... thought it was obvious I was feelin’ you.” 

You let out a breathy laugh in disbelief. “Obvious?”

“Yeah, I mean I thought you was real cute that first day you came in the store grillin’ me about what I was sellin’ Rue.” Fez chuckled to himself remembering that day.

“You thought I was cute,” you asked baffled. This was all so confusing for you. 

Fez shook his head, eyes still focused on the road. “You gonna just keep repeating everything I’m sayin?”

“Uhh, yeah,” you replied, your eyes wide trying to prosses what he was saying to you. “It doesn’t make sense and you’re being so nonchalant about this.”

“How am I supposed to be?”

“I don’t know,” you answered, your hands flailing around. “Not like this! Just a minute ago I was freaking out wondering if I would ruin our friendship, or if there was even the slightest chance you liked me back... and you do. My brain can’t comprehend.” 

Fezco put his car in park and you realized you were in front of you house. “Well, comprehend, ma.”

You slouched back in your seat staring out at the road ahead of you taking it all in. Rue was right. “What do we do now?”

Fez reached over the center console and grabbed your hand, intertwining your fingers. “Well, we could start with a date?”

You turned at looked at Fez, biting your lip to stop your smile from getting too big. “I’d like that,” you said, nodding your head.

“Cool,” Fez said smiling. 

“Cool,” you repeated grinning right back. 

The two of you sat in silence for a moment, just staring at one another. 

“You know what. I’m feeling way better now.”

“Really?”

“Yeah... don’t think I’m quite ready to go inside yet.”

“You got something in mind?”

“Not really,” you said, pausing to think for a second. “Just not ready to leave you yet,” you replied, squeezing his hand a little while rubbing your thumb back and forth on the back of his hand.

Fezco’s checks got incredibly hotter as he looked away from you avoiding your eyes. He let go of your hand and put his car back in drive beginning to drive off then said, "I think I know a place."

[jazminrhode1]

can you please please do a fic where they are on the podcast and they have matt or chris' gf on the podcast and they talk about their relationship and it's really cute and the guy is just so in lvoe? omg please i need this haha

Forever Be Your Always Matt Sturniolo x Reader One Shot

“Good morning, campers. Welcome back to the cut the camera podcast,” Nick feigned enthusiasm, “can you believe we’re still doing this?”

You sat in Matt’s regular spot, kind of nervous and kind of excited.

You never did this. You never got involved with the triplet’s content. Matt had filmed countless vlogs for his personal channel with you that he never posted. Not because he was embarrassed or wanted to hide your relationship but, because he didn’t want to add fuel to the fire.

The fans were fine. They had no choice but to be fine. You and Matt had been dating since before they started YouTube. You were in more of their videos in the early days but, you kept out of it these days.

Nick was the one who suggested you come on the podcast. He was sick of editing you out of content. Chris was the one who said they should take a stand and let fans know that they weren’t going to ignore the hate that you get online anymore.

It didn’t really bother you. Not matter what anyone said, Matt was still your boyfriend, Nick and Chris were still some of your best friends.

“Today we’re here with a very special guest,” Nick gestured to Matt to finish the intro.

“It’s y/n” Matt announced as Chris and Nick cheers.

“Thanks, you guys,” you laughed. This felt more natural than you had expected. After a while you forgot that the microphones were even there.

You answer questions that Matt had answered a million times before. Where did you meet? How long have you been dating? What is your favorite thing about each other?

Chris claimed that he got the two of you together and, to be honest, you couldn’t remember if that was true. All you knew was that you were thankful for Matt everyday.

“Okay, fans want to know what it’s like dating the grumpiest motherfucker on the planet,” Nick asked.

You rolled your eyes.

“Matt is not that grumpy. Really, he’s not. You just get so animated for the vlogs, and sometimes you do too much - I don’t think he likes that,” you answered. Nick pretended to take offence but, you two had never been anything but honest with eachother. And, you knew that Nick’s energy is was a hgue part of why they had been so successful.

“Another fan wanted to know if this is the kind of relationship that your younger self would have pictured,” Chris asked.

“That’s a great question,” you said and the boys agreed.

“I mean, we’ve known each other for so long. Almost all of my memories have one of you in them. Like, our moms are so close, our Dad’s golf together, my Uncle was just at your Grandma’s house doing some electrical stuff. You know, we’ve vacationed together. There’s just so much shared history even before we started dating. I don’t know that a lot of people can say that they met their partner at 5 years old and started dating 10 years later. That doesn’t answer your question.” 

You thought it over for a moment.

“I think when I was younger, I thought that someone would come along and sweep me off my feet. I didn’t think it would be my desk buddy from the second grade, you know?”

Matt just smiled. For him, he always knew.

“But, I could not have dreamt him up. I don’t think you could have convinced a younger me that I would get this lucky. That I would have found my person at 15 years old or that our families would become so entangles or that his brothers would become 2 of my best friends, you know”?

“Yeah,” Chris said. His eyes glistened.

“Another question was, do you feel like you missed out on anything since you started dating Matt at such a young age?” Nick asked.

“It’s a fair questions but, no. Even our parents when we graduated were like… are you sure you don’t want to live life separately for a little while, and that was just never on the cards for me.”

“And, Matt what about you? Do you feel like you missed out on anything?” Nick asked.

“No. I have gained more that I could have imagined from being with y/n,” he began. “I feel like I will go through my whole life as a triplet being understood by two other people in this unspoken, unexplainable way. And, in the best way, we were kind of forced together by nature and you are two of the closest people to me and, even if I don’t say it often, I love you guys and I wouldn’t be here with out.”

Chris and Nick exchanged a look. Matt wasn’t usually as forthcoming with his feelings if it wasn’t with you.

“In saying that, I don’t believe in soul mate or destiny because that implies that I don’t have a choice in this. Everyday, I wake up and I thank God that it’s next to y/n. And every day it’s the easiest choice to be with her. And every choice that I make, I consider her above anyone else.I don’t want a relationship, a marriage, a family if it wasn’t with y/n. There is no one else that understands me or supports me or loves me in the way that y/n does. You can’t put a price on that and you can’t manufacture it and if, for whatever reason, we were to break up I know that I will never find this again,” Matt said as he reached for you hand over the bench.

You saw a glint of sadness wash over Chris’ face. Nick was swooning.

“Do you think you guys will get married?” Nick asked. He was straying from the previously agreed up list of questions.

“One day. If there is one thing that y/n’s Dad told me is to enjoy every season. Enjoy being a kind, enjoy dating as teenagers, dating as young adults, don’t rush things because you’ll get to the end of your life and regret not really living in the moment,” Matt said.

“Your Dad’s so smart,” Chris said.

“Yeah, he and Matt are big on the motivational speeches,” you joked.

You answered a few more questions about future plans and Matt’s unpublished vlogs. Chris went on a non-sensical rant about not wanting a girlfriend while simultaneously wanting a relationship that you and Matt had. You knew that he was only scared that the girl he dated would only want to be with him because of his job. You knew that would break his heart.

As they wrapped up and you crawled out from behind the desk, Matt wrapped you in a hug and placed a gentle kiss on your lips.

Without saying a word, you knew how deeply he loved. Everything is better with him and he will forever be your always.

[bingwriterxo]

the shakespeare exhibit - part 7

pairing: tara carpenter x reader

summary: in which tara accompanies you to a family party

warnings: homophobia/biphobia

word count: 4100+

author's note: longest thing i've ever posted. also, had to look up so many specific quotes for this one...

previous part | next part

"So, how many people did you say will be at this party?” Tara asked, looking out the window as you drove down another dirt road. Ever since the two of you had passed the city and made it off the highway, it had been all cornfields, farms, and forests. Tara knew one thing for sure: she would never live in the countryside of New York, even if you wanted to.

You shrugged behind the wheel, reaching out to lower the music a bit. One of Tara’s more ‘pop-y’ songs was on, and the bass was loud. “I’m not really sure,” you said, sparing her a glance before refocusing on the road ahead of you. “My parents know a lot of people, but I’m sure it won’t be more than…two hundred?”

Two hundred people?! Tara thought, her eyes widening. I have to meet two. hundred. people?!

“Don’t worry, though,” you continued quickly. “Only about fifty of that is family; the rest are family friends or work acquaintances, so you won’t have to talk to them if you don’t want to.”

Thank fucking god. “And can you give me a run down on the more immediate family again?”

“Well, there’s mom and dad, obviously.” You took a left, not bothering with your blinker because there was no one else around. However, rather than more dirt road, your tires were finally rolling against pavement. “Nathaniel and Edmund--but, you can’t call him ‘Edmund’; you have to say ‘Eddie’, or he’ll get upset.”

“And they’re identical, right?”

Trees were lining the pavement, perfectly spaced apart and shaped, and Tara readied herself to be met with your house. Except…it never came. You just kept driving and driving, and it seemed like there was no end in sight.

You nodded. “Yup--identical. You’ll be able to tell them apart, though. It’s easy.” You hummed as you thought. “Oh, baby Cordelia, of course, but only my father calls her by her full name.”

Your baby sister, Cordelia, or Lia, as she was called by most, was turning a year old that day, which was why you and Tara had made the drive up to your parents’ house. They were throwing a party for her, and an extravagant one at that.

“And then my father’s parents: Grandma Jane and Grandpa Thomas. They live in the house with everyone, but odds are you won’t meet them today. They like to spend their time in the wine cellar when we have guests.” You leaned toward her just slightly, like you were about to tell her a secret. “Grandpa Thomas has never been the biggest fan of…people. He’s a book guy, you know?”

Mom, dad, Nate, Eddie, Lia, Jane, Thomas. Tara nodded to herself as she made the mental note, determined not to get anyone’s name wrong. “Okay, and--”

Finally, your house started to show in the distance, and Tara’s jaw literally dropped. Even from where the two of you were, it was huge, and not just rich-person-huge but old-money-huge.

It was a large, shapely building made of blue brick; two large, white pillars stood near the front entrance and extended all the way up to the roof; windows upon windows were lined in white to match the rest of the house; vines flowed down from the roof, though they were neat and calculated, giving the house an old-vibe rather than a messy one.

Holy. Fucking. Shit, Tara thought as your house--if it could even be called a house--drew closer and closer. She stared in awe as you drove the two of you around the circular driveway, centered around a gorgeous fountain, and to the parking area, which was already overflowing with cars.

Once you parked, you turned to her, glancing down sheepishly. “I know it’s a lot,” you said, your voice soft. “The house, the party, the meeting everyone.” You inhaled deeply. “If you feel uncomfortable about anything at any time, just let me know and we can hide in my bedroom, okay? Or, if you need a moment alone, it’s up the stairs, to the right, fourth door on your left.”

She’s just too perfect. Tara grinned, that type of grin she only ever had when she was with you, and leaned across the center console, pressing a kiss to your lips. “I’m sure it’ll be great, baby.”

You flushed, the way you always did whenever she kissed you, even though she had kissed you a million times at that point; she never tired of the way the red painted your cheeks, or how you’d smile subconsciously.

“Okay.” You nodded and kissed her again for good measure. “Then let’s do this.”

You climbed out of the car, rounded the hood, and opened the door for Tara to step out. Always so chivalrous, she thought, grabbing the present that she had brought for your sister from the floor of your car. It was just a small toy, and she suddenly started to second-guess it as you led her toward the entrance.

As soon as she stepped into the house, marble flooring beneath her feet, she gulped. There were at least a hundred people there already, all having traveled to celebrate your baby sister, and they were scattered around, talking and laughing and drinking champagne. She was glad she had worn her nicest dress for the occasion, but even that didn’t seem nice enough.

I do not belong here, her mind whispered.

Before she could even utter a single word to you, all eyes turned, smiles and grins and furrowed eyebrows and tilted heads watching your every move. This is like a creepy cult movie. She glanced at you, somewhat surprised that you were relaxed as you waved.

“Hi, everybody!” you said, and there was a chorus of greetings in response.

Then, suddenly, there was pounding coming from upstairs, and two heads peeked over the banister, gleaming grins on each of their faces and identical in every way--except for their hair, Tara noticed quickly; one had his hair sticking out every which way while the other’s was combed down neatly.

“Y/N’s home!” the messy-haired one shouted. All eyes turned to them, fond smiles on everyone’s face as they stared up at the boys.

“‘A victory is twice itself when the achiever brings home full numbers!’” the other yelled. Okay, well, that one’s Nate, Tara thought, and she watched as they bounded down opposite stairs, their legs carrying them quickly so they could be the first to truly greet you.

They rammed into your waist, making you stumble back as you held them close. “Hi, boys,” you giggled, and everyone--everyone--laughed at the joy that was radiated from the three of you before going back to their conversations.

You hugged your brothers tightly before pushing them away slightly. You took Tara’s hand in your own, and her heart fluttered at the feeling of your warmth against her skin. “Nate, Eddie, this is Tar--”

“The girlfriend!” Eddie cheered.

Nate followed up with, “She’s beautiful, and therefore to be wooed!”

Does this kid only speak in Shakespeare? Tara wondered. Is that even possible?

“Hi, guys,” Tara said, smiling. “Nice to meet you.”

“To mingle friendship far is mingling bloods,” Nate replied.

“What this dork means,” Eddie started, elbowing his brother, “is that we can’t wait for you to become our sister-in-law!”

Sister-in-law?! She glanced at you, and you cleared your throat, unraveling your hand from hers and placing it on the small of her back. “Eddie, Nate, go find Nana and Pops.” You leaned down and whispered something to them, and both boys nodded fervently before rushing away.

“So, you talk about me to your brothers?” Tara teased, grinning at you.

You rolled your eyes lightly, carefully guiding her further into the house. “Don’t listen to a word they say. They’re--well, you met them.” A handful? she thought. Yes.

You passed by people, sparing short greetings or simple waves, until you stood with Tara in the kitchen. “And don’t mind Nate’s speech,” you said, chuckling. “He’s been in Shakespeare-mode ever since he got that part in the play. He only talks in quotes now, no matter what play they’re from.”

She hummed. “Reminds me of someone I know,” she said, leaning up to kiss you.

Just as you began to lean down, there was an excited squeal, and you pulled back quickly, eyes wide and landing on whoever had interrupted you.

“Mom!” you rushed out, blushing. Tara spun around, a nervous smile on her lips as she stared at your mother, who grinned right back.

“You must be Tara, sweetheart!” your mom said, pulling Tara into a hug. Okay! I guess this is a hugging family! She placed her hands on Tara’s shoulders, looking at her. “You’re even prettier than Y/N said!”

“Hi, ma’am--”

Your mother waved her off. “Oh, please. Just call me ‘mom’.” She grinned, and Tara realized that you had her smile. “I’m sure you’ll be in this family soon enough.” Tara felt herself pink at the words. I sure hope so.

“Mom!” you groaned from behind.

Your mom hummed. “Yes, well, I was just coming to grab another apple for your father. You know him,” she said. “Eats like he’s a horse,” she whispered to Tara.

You perked up at the mention of your dad. “Oh, Tara! Let’s go see him. I’m sure he has Lia, right, mom?”

“Yes, yes.” She was digging around the fridge. “I was so sure I bought more,” she muttered to herself.

You sidled up beside Tara and took her hand, leading her toward a different area of the house. There were even more people there, standing around one object and cooing. You squeezed past them all, offering ‘hello’s’ and ‘nice to see you’s’ as you did.

“Dad!” you exclaimed when your father came into view, Lia in his arms.

“Ah, the prodigal daughter returns,” your dad hummed. He wrapped an arm around you in a hug before handing you your sister. “Watch your hair,” he warned. “She’s in her pulling phase.”

As if on cue, Lia reached up and tugged at your ear, giggling when you groaned. “Lia! No pulling,” you mumbled. Tara grinned, butterflies stirring in her stomach at the sight. Talk about baby fever.

“And you’re Tara,” your father said, looking at her. He wasn’t an intimidating man at all, but Tara had heard how highly you spoke of him, and, needless to say, she was nervous.

Oh boy, she thought. Here we go.

“Hello, sir,” she said, sticking her hand out. I hope I’m not sweating. Please don’t be sweating.

He inspected her outstretched arm for a moment before laughing loudly and clapping a hand on her shoulder. “No handshakes for family, Tara!” He pulled her into a hug, just like your mother had. I have to become a part of this family. It’s a must. “And, gosh, don’t call me ‘sir’! That’s so formal! Just call me ‘dad’.” His voice was joyous, excited, and Tara understood immediately where you got your personality from.

“Okay,” she said with a nod. “...Dad…” It was weird, feeling the word slip from between her lips, but the man lit up upon hearing it.

“Tar, come here,” you called gently. She took a few steps until she was at your side, and grinned down at the baby in your arms. “Wanna hold her?”

“Oh!” Baby. Can’t drop it. That thing’s alive. “Sure.” It was a careful handoff as Lia settled into Tara’s arms, smiling up at her. She had the same eyes as you, who had the same eyes as your father, and Tara was immediately smitten. “Well, aren’t you just the cutest thing!”

And then, Lia was pulling at the ends of her hair, and Tara thought, Yeah. Maybe I don’t want a kid just yet.

“I’ll take her off your hands,” your father said, holding his arms out. Tara handed Lia back to him, watching as he stuck his tongue out, to which Lia laughed. “My little Cordelia,” your father sighed.

“She’s the favorite child now,” you whispered to Tara. “Come, let’s get something to drink.”

You took her not to the kitchen but to the bar, and Tara marveled the whole way as she caught sight of old paintings, framed poems, antiques that littered the walls. It wasn’t crowded in any way; it was all beautiful and exactly how she expected your house to look.

You ordered the two of you champagne, and the bartender didn’t say a word as he poured your drinks, handing them to you with a soft smile.

“So, that’s everyone. Like I said, my grandparents are probably hiding away in the wine cellar,” you said, taking a sip from your glass. “What’d you think?”

You’re the perfect mixture of your parents, she thought. Everything makes sense now. “They’re all lovely.”

You grinned. “I’m glad you like them. I can already tell they love you. Well, I could tell that from the moment I told them about you, but--”

Someone interrupted you.

“Y/N.” The voice was masculine, strong, stern, and Tara could sense a bit of pretentious asshole in his tone.

She spun around when you did and watched as your eyes landed on the man; you immediately straightened up, your shoulders tensing and your smiling fading into a tight-lipped greeting. She straightened up, too. I bet he’s a dick, she thought, eyeing him and internally scoffing at his stupid face.

“Connor,” you gritted out like it pained you.

Tara reached to take your hand, knowing that you sought touch in moments of stress, but, just barely, you moved away from her grasp. She felt her heart drop into her stomach. Who is this douche and why is he making her so…rigid?

You held your head a little higher and clenched your jaw. “Why are you here?”

He smiled, though Tara thought it looked more like a snarl. “Well, our parents are friends, so why wouldn’t we have been invited to Lia’s birthday party?”

That’s it, Tara promptly decided. I’m going to punch him by the end of the night.

“Right, of course.” You held your champagne glass a little tighter. “And how are you finding everything?”

“Oh, your parents throw lovely parties. Although, it’s not like I’m any stranger to them.” He took a sip of his wine and smacked his lips together. “I was surprised to find you here, actually.”

“It’s my baby sister’s birthday. Why wouldn’t I be here?” you asked.

He waved you off. “Your mother mentioned something about you having been busy--working a minimum wage job and whatnot.” The condescending nature of his words made Tara ball her hands into fists. If he doesn’t walk away in five seconds, I can’t be held responsible for what happens to his perfectly-straight, stupidly-white teeth. He turned to her, an eyebrow raised. “And this is…?”

Your worst fucking nightmare, douchebag, Tara thought, but she offered him the smallest of smiles instead, not yet knowing if she was allowed to make an enemy of him.

You startled, like you had just remembered that she was standing beside you, and slid your arm around her waist. Tara watched as Connor clenched his jaw at the action. Yeah, fuck you!

“Connor, this is Tara. My girlfriend.” He scoffed, loudly, and your hold on her tightened, your fingers digging into her hip. “Tara, this is Connor. He’s…a family friend.”

He hummed. “If that’s what you’d like to call us, then sure, Y/N.” Your name rolled off his tongue too comfortably for Tara’s liking, especially for how stand-offish you became around him. “So, still in your little…exploratory phase, then?” he asked in such a way that made your grip turn almost bruising and caused Tara’s stomach to turn unpleasantly.

“No, Connor,” you said. “I’m bisexual. There is no exploring.”

“Sure.” He chuckled like he didn’t believe you. “Perhaps the men at Blackmore are just less than satisfactory.”

“Okay, why don’t you--” Tara began, only to be cut off by you pulling her into you.

“Or perhaps Tara can just satisfy me more than you ever did,” you snapped.

Tara froze. What? Is he…did they date?

Connor furrowed his eyebrows in anger, his eyes turning dark as they set themselves on her. “Does she even come from money?” There was venom in his voice, the disgust in his expression not bothering to hide itself.

A shiver ran down Tara’s back, and she glanced at the floor, her skin suddenly feeling too small for her, the air seeming too thick to breathe in. From the moment she had stepped into your home, she had felt a little out of place, and now Connor was simply confirming that thought.

“Does that matter?” you seethed.

“Of course it does. When you come from families like ours, everything matters. I mean, if you’re serious about this whole…bisexual…thing, how could you know she’s not just using you?” His words were coming out fast, spit flying as he spoke, his cheeks flushing with rage. “At least with me, you knew there were no ill intentions.”

Using her? Tara thought, feeling herself shrink slightly. Ill intentions?

“You have no idea what you’re talking about, Connor.” Your voice was sharp and threatening, holding a warning behind it.

“I take it, then, that she doesn’t come from a family of the arts.” His eyes flickered down before glancing back up again. “Or any family that matters.”

There was a beat of silence, a pause in which Tara could feel anger radiating from you and shame filling her every vein, and it was strange. She pulled herself from your grasp, mumbled out, “I have to use the bathroom,” and rushed away with teary eyes. Away from him, away from the party, away from you.

Faintly, she could hear you calling her name, and then a few angry shouts, but she wasn’t paying attention. She was focused on squeezing past people and slipping upstairs to your bedroom, her hand fumbling around in her purse for her inhaler.

Fuck, where is my inhaler? she thought as she tripped up the last step and stumbled down the hall, counting one, two, three, doors on her left until she found the fourth—your bedroom. She shut the door behind her and leaned against it, rummaging through her purse in a panic as she tried to blink back her tears.

When she finally caught hold of her inhaler, she took two puffs and threw her head back, groaning. Stupid. Thinking I could fit in here. Thinking this was all normal. Stupid.

There was a knock on the other side of the door; then, a voice, soft and careful. “Tara?” She could hear some shuffling out in the hall. “Tara, dear?”

Tara straightened. Is that her mom? she wondered. What is her mom doing here right now?

“Could you let me in, Tara?”

Tara wiped beneath her eyes and, with a heaving sigh, turned around and opened the door, her shoulders slumping slightly at the sight of your mother’s worried face.

“I saw you run off, dear,” your mom started, taking a hesitant step forward, “and Y/N was nowhere in sight, so I thought I’d come check on you.”

This whole family is just too good. “I’m alright,” she lied through her teeth.

Your mother hummed and ventured further into the room, sitting on the edge of your bed with her legs crossed over one another. “I saw you and Y/N speaking to Connor Harris.” Her face soured as she spoke his name, and Tara smiled softly at that. “I’ve never liked that boy, but Y/N’s father and his father have been friends since childhood.”

Tara swallowed. I need to know. I need to ask. “Were Y/N and Connor…were they together at some point?” she asked.

Your mom’s eyebrows furrowed and a frown pulled at her lips. “Dear, they were engaged. Has she not told you?”

It was like the world stopped for a moment. Engaged? Tara wanted to throw up. Her vision blurred immediately; a pit in her stomach formed; she could feel herself shaking. Engaged?! She was engaged?! To him?!

Your mother stood and, before Tara could say a word, wrapped her arms around her, holding her trembling body close. “Tara, honey. It is just a part of Y/N’s past, but she’s with you now, and that’s what matters.”

Oh my god, I’m being comforted by her mom right now, Tara thought. This is so embarrassing. She pulled away and sniffled, holding her head up. “Thank you, truly. I’m just…shocked that she never mentioned an engagement before.” How did she never tell me?

“Yes, well--”

“Tar?” your voice called from near the door. “You in here, bab--” You appeared in the doorway, stopping short at the sight of your mother and Tara in your bedroom together, with clear signs of Tara having cried. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

“I’ll leave you two alone,” your mom said, squeezing your shoulder briefly as she exited.

You walked into the room, shut the door behind you, and stepped up to Tara, taking her cheeks in your hand. Your thumb rubbed beneath her eyes, wiping away any remnants of her tears. “What’s going on, sweetheart?” you asked, your voice gentle.

She clenched her jaw, her eyes flitting to the floor. “Your mom told me about…about you and Connor.”

You paled, your hands dropping slightly and your eyes widening. “Oh,” you muttered.

“You didn’t tell me you were engaged before,” she whispered. She took a step away, and you swallowed as your arms fell to your sides. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because it’s not a big deal,” you said, biting your lip.

“Not a big deal?!” Her eyebrows furrowed. How could she think this isn’t a big deal? “You were engaged--set to spend the rest of your life with someone.” She waved her hand. “Set to spend the rest of your life with him! And you think that’s not a big deal, or something that you shouldn’t tell your girlfriend?”

“Tar, let me explain,” you pleaded. “Just, let me explain, please.”

She inhaled sharply. “Fine.”

You sighed in relief, blinked hard, and began. “He proposed to me at our high school graduation, up on the stage, in front of everyone. I--I didn’t want to embarrass him, or our families, so I said yes, and, technically, yes, we were engaged.” You shook your head, slumping onto your bed and holding your face in your hands. “I should’ve never said yes. We went home that night, and I told him I didn’t actually want to get married. Obviously, he didn’t like that, so he broke up with me.”

Tara’s face softened, her anger simmering. “You were engaged for…what…only a few hours?”

You nodded, glancing at her. “Yeah. That’s why I didn’t tell you, because it really isn’t a big deal. I mean, honestly? I hardly liked Connor anyway. I was with him because I thought my parents wanted that, but they don’t care.” You shrugged. “They just want me to be happy.” You stood, crossed the room, and took Tara’s hands in your own. “And you make me happy.”

Tara grinned, then glanced away sheepishly. “I’m sorry I kind of overreacted.”

You shook your head and pulled her into you, your arms wrapping around her shoulders. “No, I should’ve told you. And I’m sorry that I didn’t.”

“It’s okay,” she mumbled into your chest, sliding her own arms around your waist and hugging you tightly. You kissed the top of her head, and she hummed before another thought popped into her head. “Do you think you should be with someone who…has a family like this?” She pulled back and gestured to your room. “Who could afford all of this?”

“Tara,” you said softly, frowning. “I don’t care that your family isn’t in the high arts, or that your parents aren’t business magnates, or that you didn’t grow up the way I did. I love you.” You leaned down and kissed her. “Don’t let what Connor said get to you, okay? He’s a pompous dirtbag.”

Tara chuckled. “He is, isn’t he?”

“Yes. The biggest pompous dirtbag I know.”

She grinned. “I love you, too, by the way.”

“I do love nothing in the world so well as you--is not that strange?” you quoted, smiling.

She rolled her eyes. Always such a dork, she thought. My dork, though. “Are you sure you don’t love Shakespeare more than me?”

You hummed, tilting your head like you were weighing your options, and she scoffed lightly. “I’m kidding. I’m kidding. I’ll always love you more than I love Shakespeare, baby.”

“Good.” Tara bit back her smile. “Does that mean you’ll get a statue bust of me?”

“...I’ll think about it.”

bonus: “so, when you and our sister get married, will you take her last name?” eddie asked, swinging his feet from where he sat at the table in the ballroom.

“eddie--” tara began, only to be interrupted by nate, who sat on the other side of her.

“get thee a wife, get thee a wife!” he exclaimed.

“we’re only 19, guys,” she tried.

“okay, and?” eddie asked, his eyebrows furrowing.

“do you not love my sister?” nate asked, and tara was thankful that, for once, his shakespeare quote sounded normal.

she glanced around, looking for you, but you were talking to one of your aunts on the other side of the room. she leaned down and gestured for both boys to come closer. ��i’ll tell you guys a little secret. when we do get married, i plan to take her last name.”

they grinned at each other across tara.

“knew it!” eddie cheered.

[libraford]

Something that annoys me about ancestor veneration is the way that it is built up as a one on one conversation between you and the dead. It can be, but when I talk about it to others who are doing this there is often a conversation about speaking with them and it can seem quite alienating to someone like me, whose practice leans a different direction.

To the point where mine does not feel as genuine in those conversations. I was discussing my practice to another person and she said that I should try shrooms. I should try shrooms because when she's on shrooms she can hear her ancestors voices loud and clear.

And I don't want to do that.

"Well it's not dangerous, and you can microdose!"

I do not have a good track record with psychoactives. Like the tiniest sliver of a weed gummy activates a very bad place with my synesthesia. I don't wanna do that.

I wish there was more about the practical workings of ancestor veneration.

My dad is the family researcher- he's a former journalist with an ancestry.com account. He tells me about possibly real people that are in our tree.

I am the family archivist. My dad can spin a yarn but he knows very little about acid free environments, scanning resolutions, or how to put together a book layout. I am the keeper of family ephemera- letter from ww2, photos from when moms grandma lived in Connecticut, post cards from when grandpa was a door to door salesman after the war.

When I piece together a story from fading paper, I feel close to them. This is better, for me, than trying to speak to them.

I took an aloe plant from my grandma's house. She was a ww2 nurse. Taking care of this plant and making it propagate so I can give it to people at the plant exchange so that it can heal other people's cuts and burns seems like a good legacy.

[poppykreslina]

Robert Hawkins info Post :

He was a big music fan, here’s a list of artists Rob liked.

1. MushroomHead

2. HIM band

3. BlackStreet

4. Misfits

5. Dr Dre

6. DMX

7. Lil wyte

8. Judas Priest

9. Dope

10.Wall

Anything besides country music

His close Friend he was living with at the time told me about the time when he seen Rob return to school after being sent away. He said “ So a couple years go by and l'm in computer class and he's just like heyyyy what's up man and I go holy shit Robby what's up like where have you been. And I remember him telling me he was like man I got sent away like I tried to kill my step mom because she was being a bitch I sprayed raid on her food. And to me at the time I was like kind of laughing like are you serious and just it sounded so stupid it was kind of funny and l'm just like wth hell but we started talking again just immediately picked up right where we left off we were laughing like hyenas never laughed so hard in my life”

“ We would tell jokes and stories and make fun of people and this time it was like we were best friends I'd see him in the halls and say hi but we never hung out out side of class”

His friend also told me about Kaci. The girl he cheated on like twice

“ I knew Kaci and we were talking and they met then rob asked me if Kaci could come over and yeah they hooked up in my basement lol

I could hear it and it was the funniest thing ever”

“ I remember when he got her too like I was jealous because I had a crush on her for the longest and she was hot she liked me but as soon as she met Rob she was just like omg he's the sexiest person I ever seen and I'm like who rob and you look at him and he's all feeble and like ohhh h-h-heyyyy”

“ My friends were there too and yeah... He put the work in on that poor girl

She was screaming his name and you just heard this smacking noise we were like damn rob”

The girl Rob threatened

“ So the girl that he threatened or whatever was his ex girlfriend and I don't know what they were arguing about but I think it was because he wanted to go back to his girlfriend Kaci he cheated on her with that girl and then he apologized to Kacie said he loved her and didn't want to be with the other girl and she flipped out or something and he just said like leave me alone or l'm gonna k*ll you

He”

About Robs mom Molly

“ That's what really pissed him off too is his mom didn't want anything to do with him at all until she found out he was living with us and he even told me like man my mom's being all nice I think his mom was just jealous or she thought we had money or something but she tricked him into letting her back in his life and she let him borrow that jeep and he was so happy he's like man I finally got wheels my mom is talking to me then she did what she always did she turned in him told him how pathetic he was and that she wanted all her stuff back and that what did it. He couldn't handle it anymore and he snapped

Idk what that lady's problem is but shes evil”

Friend telling me what it was like when living with him

“ I just remembered like sitting down at the dinner table with him and my parents and we would be eating steak like regularly my dad always got good beef and grilled all the time he would always say how good everything was

And he like our dogs was always petting them”

Fake Fight Scene Vids

“We did like fake fight scenes and off roading four-wheeling we go to gun range film us shooting stuff we made a manikin and threw at people from inside the woods

I had this crappy purple truck but I cut the exhaust off it and put mud tires on it and we like tricked it out we put big huge stereo speakers in the back and black lights“

1. He was 5’7 (I asked a family member so don’t question it 😐)

2. He taught his sisters how to do the “blood” sign

3. His friends grandma made him a blanket and Rob said it was the best thing ever given to him. When the grandma passed away he even cried.

4. He had a stonery type voice lol

5. He would smoke a pack of cigarettes in one day

6. He worked at McDonald’s and Runza

7. Day before the shooting his friend tested out his gun while Rob was at work because he thought they were going to the shooting range the next day . When Rob found out about it he was furious telling his friend “you’re not supposed to touch that” going off on him.

Concerts Rob Went to

MushroomHead (2004)

Kottonmouth (2006-7??) Rob and His friend got kicked out of the venue because they were both caught smoking pot

All info found out by me

[screamintoad]

Silanche kid-Fleur Vanrouge

“Now I’m one step closer to becoming a knight!”

Voice claim: TBA

Character info

  Finally we have Fleur Vanrouge, eldest child of the Vanrouge family. When she was younger her hair formed thick and fluffy curls that seemed to be as wild as her personality, as she grew older, nothing changed. She’s rarely found inside, she’s mostly outdoors with the animals, exploring the forest around their house, or running around castle Draconia. She aspires to be a knight like her father and uncle Sebek so she did everything to become one. She learned horsemanship, sword fighting, and studied everything that she could. From linguistics, to history, and science. When the time came for her to be sorted into her dorm at NRC she was ready to hear the mirror shout “Diasomnia!” Only it didn’t, it shouted the name of her mother’s dorm. Pomefiore. Now she’s an agent of chaos for the current dorm leader as a type of rebellion. 

  Growing up in such a large household is something she adores. When she was younger she would always go with Silver to the castle if he didn’t have to be on patrol, if he was then she would hang out with her grandpa or uncle Sebek. As kids, Lilia gifted her and Alaric matching crystal necklaces that were enchanted with a protection spell, ever since then they always wear them. 

Fun facts: Always has something stuck in her hair (flowers, leaves, twigs, etc.). When her or Alaric visits home, they have a tradition of going on a trail ride past a waterfall that they’ve dubbed the “Fire Fall” because at sunrise the water appears golden-orange, then they’ll race back home and the winner chooses their next activity. Always has some type of armor on under her casual clothes post-graduation. Veryyyy baby-faced during her first year at NRC. People assume she’s a daddy’s girl but that’s not 100% true, she loves her dad and is his mini me but much like her brother she’ll always call Blanche “Mama”.

Basic info

Age: 16-20 (first year-post graduation)

Height: 167cm/5’4 during first year, 182cm/ 5’10 at graduation 

B-day: May 17th (Taurus) 

Dominant hand: right

Family: Blanche and Silver (Mama and Dad), Alaric (brother), Lilia (grandpa), Granny Primrose (great grandma “granny”)

Nickname: Wildflower (by family and close friends)

School years

Class A

Club: Horseback riding club

Best subject: P.E

Hobbies: archery, horse riding, loving her significant other

Pet peeve: People underestimating her 

Favorite food: Her mom’s baking

Least favorite food: Her grandpa’s cooking

Talent: Swordsmanship 

Unique Magic: Rose Armor, similar to Blanche she can grow thorny vines around her and even grow roses from the vines. Similar to Miss Acacia from Jack and the Cuckoo-clock Heart. 

Character dynamics

Alaric: Thick as thieves, they’re inseparable when either of them comes home. Despite having different hobbies and interests she tries her best to remember everything he likes. 

Jane: Little sister numero uno. Fleur sometimes enables Jane’s chaotic tendencies but she always makes sure that she doesn’t get hurt. They would explore the Vanrouge property and Fleur would show her all the good spots to look for rare rocks. Girl talks go hard between Jane, Fleur, and Luna. 

(Jackrose AU)

Joey Howl: Lovers! They grew up together and have a classic friends to lovers relationship. She’s a year older than him so at NRC they meet up either between classes or after the school day to talk about stuff. Usually it’s Joey complaining about the ruckus at his dorm or Jane complaining about Pomefiore. 

Luna Howl: Little sister numero dos. If Luna wasn’t causing trouble with Jane and Alaric she would be with Fleur. There’s been numerous times where Fleur’s had to stop her from chasing the chickens. 

(Emmeleus AU)

Aria Draconia: They’ve known each other forever and Fleur is even her personal guard. As serious as she likes to be on duty, Aria always reminds her that they’re friends first before knight and princess. Perhaps even more than friends. One day Aria began leaving gifts for Fleur and she assumed it was because they’re friends or maybe the princess was being polite or she knew about Fleur’s crush on her and is just indulging it in a way that isn’t rude. Until one day the king himself pulled Fleur aside to ask if her and Aria were in a courtship. 

HOWL KIDS AND ARIA BELONG TO @blood-red-hummingbee

TAGS: @gimmeurmoneyagh @babyghoul138 @skibidibabygirl @4necdote @twtysevapr

@angelwishess @moonyasnow @beneathsakurashade @h0neybane

@justm3di0cr3

@bunniehunn @midnightmah07 TELL ME IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED OR NOT. TAGGING EVERYONE THAT I REMEMBER FOR THE FANKIDS

[jothegamerwitch]

This is my first post so sorry if it's bad. This is going to be kinda specific because I've recently lost two grandparents so I make a Kiribaku x gn!reader Tumblr post to cope.

You are crying on the bed in your shared bedroom. Your two boyfriends, Bakugou and Kirishima had noticed something was up with you but you haven't told them. In the past week you've had two grandparents die. Your great grandpa on your dad's side and your great grandma on your mom's side. It hit you like a bullet train because you were pretty close with the both of them. To make matters worse they both died two weeks before your birthday. Kirishima hears the crying coming from the bedroom so he walks in and see you crying your eyes out on the bed. He gently knocks on the open door. "You okay pebble?" You look up at him with teary eyes and shake your head no. Kirishima immediately comes over to you and wraps you up in his arms. "What's going on y/n? You wanna talk about it?" You shake your head no again. "N-no. I don't wanna talk about it." Kirishima just kisses your forehead and rocks you back and forth. Bakugou walks into the room looking for you and Kirishima. He leans against the door when he sees you crying and Kirishima hugging you tightly. "What's wrong with the dumbass?" Kirishima just shrugs his shoulders. Bakugou sighs then walks over to you both and wraps his arms around you. "What's wrong y/n? I understand if you don't wanna talk about it but you can always use one of your other communication methods." You look at Bakugou and you finally spill in between tears. "M-my great grandpa on my dad's side and my great grandma on my mom's side both died this week." Kirishima just looks at you with so much kindness and sympathy. "Oh baby, I'm so sorry this happened to you. Is there anything we can do to help?" You just shrug and let more tears fall from your eyes. This is hard for you, opening up to them both and crying in front of them. You always try to push your emotions down and be strong but losing two grandparents in one week is just too much for one person. Bakugou goes to make you some soup while Kirishima continues hugging you tightly and whispering reassuring words into your ear. Once Bakugou gets back with the soup he starts feeding it to you. "You need to eat Dumbass. I've seen what depression does to you. You stay cooped up in here all day and barely eat. So eat." You eat the soup and once your done you lay down on the bed with Bakugou and Kirishima on either side of you, sandwiching you in between them. You end up falling asleep like that as you realize you might of lost two people you cared about but at least you aren't alone.

[g1zm0de]

Alright, since my "Pete lives in a camper/RV not a trailer" post is getting attention I figured I'd share my thoughts on the other goths + Mike as well because why not.

Micheal

bro is THE goth, was probably the one who started their clique at the school in the first place. He's pretty well versed in the subculture (although all of the goths live up to the young 'i know more than you!' alternative kids)

He either picked up on the subculture himself, or had a friend who introduced him to it. I like to think he pioneered the group himself.

It's mentioned/stated in his wikki that he's wasian, Some of the house decor reminds me of Chinese furniture. Especially the table sitting by his front door with a photo of who i can assume is his grandma/great grandma

the quality is very crunchy, but this is what I'm talking about. Threes a Buddha(?) statue behind the photo. Reminds me of Chinese style altars. So basically I'm thinking he's half Chinese. (which i think most people agree so not sure why i'm saying this)

Henrietta

The explanation for her turning emo was the "emo plants" but I like to think she just made a friend at that camp who was like "hey check out this subculture" and she briefly switched teams.

Still probably listens to some emo music from time to time, kinda like how Stan is still kinda friends with the goths even though he's no longer in their group.

this isn't exactly centered around her, but i just KNOW her mom has a beach/costal themed bathroom and i'm here for it.

Firkle

He's a little menace. Reminds me of one of my former friend's younger sibling.

unlike Henrietta, he does NOT like to think about his emo phase.

Really looks up to the older 3.

I like to think he showed up one day and stuck around like some stray cat, and the goths were like "yeah alright"

Pete

doubling down on the camper/RV thing, He probably lives with his dad or something. I've seen people say he lives with at least one of his parents.

This came to me in a dream but i think it would be really fucking funny if they brought the goths back and revealed that Pete is the son of that one main "THEY TOOK ER JOBS!" guy. Y'know the red head?

this fucker.^^^ Why do i think its funny?? no clue. (I just really really want the goths back for one more episode.)

maybe he's in one of those Tiny Homes that Theresa was talking about lmao

Fully convinced that he has one of the other goths do his hairdye. (and lemme tell y'all, its a pain in the ass to do) Most people go with Henrietta so i'm sticking with that.

Mike

Liked vampires before twilight came out.

Knows WAYY too much vampire lore, doesn't even like twilight that much.

Doesn't like his step-dad in the slightest (or maybe Mr Pennstate just recently became his step-dad so he's in the "who tf are you" stage)

Pete is the only goth he gets along with, he's scared of the others.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

the shroud parents

Okay, so I’ve been thinking about this for a while 🤔: “Why are the Shroud parents so warm and loving when the impression we had of them from Idia are so... negative?” And then I realized it’s very obviously because CHARACTERS CAN BE UNRELIABLE NARRATORS.

Like. That does NOT mean that what happened to the characters didn’t actually happen. The events very obviously DID happen as described (especially as it pertains to post-OB flashbacks), but it’s how the characters tell the information that paints the perception of events and how certain elements are presented or omitted entirely.

***Content warning: I briefly mention a few dark topics under the cut (including suicidal ideation and depression) and link to a related post on those topics!!***

As an example, let’s look at the Shroud parents. Idia previously described his grandma and dad as being very gloomy and negative people. He also says his parents as being the types to value results over their children’s feelings. We also notably do not see Mr. or Mrs. Shroud in Idia’s backstory flashback when he was going through a difficult patch of coping with Ortho’s death. This all led to us having an impression that the Shroud parents were cold, distant, calculating, and just overall not very good parents. Then we meet the parents in book 7 and Mrs. Shroud is SUPER bubbly, and both parents readily welcome Ortho as an official member of the family. It’s a huge juxtaposition which completely recontextualizes the information Idia previously gave us.

Idia is Mr. Doom and Gloom, a huge pessimist. It could be possible that he was greatly exaggerating elements of his parents’ personalities, usually when it pertains to them asking him to do something he doesn’t want to (ie pulling him out of school to research on his classmates). Alternatively, it’s implied that he barely left his room for two years following Ortho’s death. The lack of the Shroud parents in Idia’s flashback could indicate that as their own method of coping, they distanced themselves or they gave Idia space to heal on his own. Or maybe Idia was even the one who actively shut his parents out? It’s extremely possible, especially given that there are theories floating around that Idia’s memories and thoughts are greatly impacted by grief, depression, and/or suicidal ideation.

This makes me kind of want to go back and reevaluate all the other OB boys’ flashbacks and see just how much of the information could have been colored by the bias and the perspectives of the storytellers 🤔 POV actually adds a LOT to whatever is being told!! Like you can tell in Riddle’s flashback that even though he now knows his mom’s parenting has fucked him up, he doesn’t appear to hold any ill will toward her. He’s moreso confused and unsure how to proceed, feelings which are perfectly encapsulated by Riddle asking why his chest still hurts, even though he has followed every rule his mom has set for him. As a result, Riddle is shown to be a lot more hesitant and charitable to his mother compared to other people.

Interestingly, fans are quick to bypass Riddle’s own neutral telling of his story and demonize his mother (I think maybe because his circumstances are more relatable?), whereas with Idia he tells us the worst of his parents and it paints our ideas about the Shroud parents in accordance with Idia’s telling.

I also wonder if the fandom’s assumption that Leona’s whole country despises him or that Azul’s mom didn’t know about him being bullied is true at all??? Because if you think about it, Leona’s flashbacks only ever depicted palace servants talking badly about him, which are not representative of all of the Sunset Savanna. We don’t meet locals that speak badly of Leona in his hometown event either??? Then for Azul’s flashback, you can’t really take omission of information as confirmation of anything.

This line of thought also applies for the information the boys relay to us; how much of it is embellished or slightly altered in order to project a certain outward image to their peers? Especially considering how NRC is teeming with (mob) students ready to pounce on you if you seem weak??? It’s really interesting stuff to think about.

[visualtaehyun]

re: Old Woman Yuri

I remember seeing some posts on my dash about people being a bit upset about the youngins calling NidaBambam 'old woman yuri' and I kinda agree but also- Godji herself joked about it so I wanted to share the fun :)

So Milk mentioned that the ship has a fandom name actually:

(from [REACT] EP8 meteor shower scenes) ด้อมแม่ย่า /dawm mae yaa/ = mom-granny (fan)dom

And I of course went 👀❔ and then found this clip from an OffGun live that Godji hosted (which people might've seen already since they kinda spoiled NidaBambam in it lol):

Godji says she's แม่ /mae/ (OffGun and many other GMMTV artists call her so, it doesn't necessarily connote 'mother') and Golf is ย่า /yaa/ lol

For context, they were talking about the babii plushie earlier, so she goes on that their mascot ought to be a dinosaur 🦖 and there should be her riding a dinosaur too 😂

She also makes a pun- ด้อมแม่ย่า หน้าพ่อปู่ /dawm mae yaa, naa por bpoo/ = sneaking (around behind) mom and grandma, in front of dad and grandpa -> ด้อม /dawm/ is short for fandom but the same word can also mean 'to sneak around' lol pls kindly ignore me and look to the replies for an explanation of what she's actually joking about dsjshsj

Do with all of that what you will, I just think it's good fun :D

And if you ever wanted to see Godji, Golf, Jennie, and friends touring Thailand while being their funny chaotic selves:

The channel is also home to the queer talkshow ทอล์ก-กะ-เทยส์ Talk Kathoey/Talk With Toeys, for example! Generally, everything's unsubbed but I'm sure there's fan translations on twt for specific guest appearances if you go searching for it 🙏

[arabic-langblr]

Polite ways to refer to somone's parents in Arabic

The word أٌمُ means mother in Arabic, and the word أّبُ means father. And we know that the attached pronoun ك is used to talk about someone else's posession. Like أٌمّك (your mother), and أُبُوك (your father).

While it's not wrong to use these words, there are certain cultural sensitivities to keep in mind when using these two words.

Sadly, for certain people it's associated with some insults that some people who say (like cursing someone's dad or mom), sometimes even the word أمك or أبوك when said angrily on its own can imply an insult.

In many parts and regions, many Arabic speakers would even avoid or refuse saying their mom or sister's names entirely because they don't want others to use their names and insult them. Some people overdo it and it can be a bit over the top with this overprotective attitude, but people are now becoming more aware that they're overdoing it.

This reminds me of a video where a guy was talking to his Arabic speaking friend, trying to say something sweet like "say hi to your mother" or "your mother is beautiful" or "your mother is awesome" but accidentally offending his friend and earning wit wrath instead of his gratitude.

For some, saying أمك or أبوك can be a bit direct, not necessarily rude, but some people won't really like it especially if the speaker is emotioanl or angry. In this post, I'll teach you here some alternatives to say in order to avoid sounding too direct :

الوَالِد (for the father) and الوَالِدة (for the mother)

It literally means "the male parent" and "the female parent". It's really polite, you can say it so someone you're not close with or to someone you're trying to be formal with. Some guys however still say الوالد and الوالدة out of politeness. The guy in the video could have avoided an anger fit if he has said سَلِّملِي على الوالدة (sallimlī ʿal wālda; say hello to your mother) instead of saying (sallimlī ʿalā ommak).

Or if you want to talk to your colleague or boss about his mother who is very sick or something

أَلْف سَلَامَة للوَالِدة (alf salāmeh lal wālda) which means something along the line for "I hope your mother gets well soon"

خَالتُو (auntie) or عَمّو (uncle)

The word خَالة means the maternal aunt (your mom's sister) and the word عم means the paternal uncle (your dad's brother), but people use it to say "uncle" or "auntie". You can say it to your friends in reference to their parents in situations where the word الوالد and الوالدة sound too formal

كِيف خالتو؟ طمني عليها/ "kīf ẖalto? tamminnī ʿaleiha"/ How's auntie? Reassure me (that she's ok)

الحاجّ (masc) or الحاجة (fem)

The word حَاج means someone who performed pilgrimage, and the word حاجة is the feminin version, although they are usually pronounced as حج and حجة (replacing the long vowel ا with its short equivalent, fatha) in dialects .

It's polite and respectful to an old person to use these words, kinda like using "granny" in an endearing way to your friend's grandma or to your old neighbour (either when speaking to them or referring to them).

كِيف الحجة؟ طمني عليها/ "kīf elḥajjeh? tamminnī ʿaleiha"/ How's grannie? Reassure me (that she's ok)

These words are used for elderly people, middle aged people might be sad you're referring to them as elderly (it's not rude, but they might feel that you see them as elderly, as in too old). Perferably use it to refer to people's old grandparents. For parents you can use the options above.

Other ways to say the name

In Arabic, there is a certain concept that is called كُنِيَة (kunya in MSA), or (kinyeh in dialects)

It's a commonly used nickname for the parents, they usually add أم (for the mother) and أب (for the father) followed by the name of the eldest son.

For example if a man has 5 children, the eldest son is called Ali (even if he wasn't the oldest child, as in he has older sisters), the man's كنية would be "Abu Ali أبو علي " and his wife's كنية would be Um Ali أم علي .

In more formal setting, Arabic speakers would usually avoid using the first name of the parents and prefer to use the كنية, some people would find it too formal and would rather use خالتو or عمو (uncle / auntie), it depends on the person and what kind of relationship you have with the person.

Other options

If you're talking to a child for example, like a yonung relative or even a lost kid at the mall, you can say مَامَا (mama) or some would even say مَامتك (your mommy).

For example if you're asking the son of your friend about your friend you could say

كِيف الماما؟ سَلِّملِي عَليها / keif el māmā? sallemli ʿaleiha / how's your mama? say hi to her.

It's ok to use to a child, but if you say it to an adult for example it would kinda sound like you're teasing them or telling them that they're childish in a way.

Which word to choose?

These are observations. Of course, it doesn't mean that every single person finds the words أمك or أبوك to be too direct but still, it's good to keep this idea at the back of your mind.

My suggestion is to first of all look at your relationship to that person, and to see how that person refers to their own mother and to other people's mothers.

Some people would refer to their own moms as الوالدة, this could be your queue to refer to their mom like that as well and so on.

The new younger generation are not as sensitive to these things, but some people would still find it too direct.

The point of this post is to make you aware of these differences, so that you won't be in an embarassing situation.

[drdemonprince]

your reblog of that post reminded me. i have no connection to my indigenous culture on my father's side because i want nothing to do with that side of my family. the people i know from that side of my family are all horrifically and violently abusive. and what i often have to sit with is that this is one way various cultures are subsumed into a hegemonic whiteness. i have little doubt that the substance abuse and violence from that side of my family can be at least partially attributed to white supremacy. what little i know of my paternal grandfather is that he treated his kids and women largely the same way my father treats his kids and women. white supremacy turns trauma and the consequent violence into our culture, which (of course!) we want to separate ourselves from. so we're left with this hole where culture should be. i'm lucky enough to have (some) cultural polish roots via my adoptive grandparents on my mom's side, at least.

This is a very common story -- a friend of mine who is reconnecting with their Indigeneity has a similar struggle. In my family, the violence of assimilation and the violence of abuse, neglect, heavy substance use, and even interfamilial murder are all inextricably linked. There is this big hole in my family life, an occluded spot taking up more than a quarter of the page, but in the background so it's easy to be tempted to ignore. The family that had a distinct culture separate from the dominate white middle-class one is also the family that has almost no historical records of itself, erased much of the history that remained, took deliberate efforts to pass as white, and sometimes literally killed one another because they were so poor and traumatized and dysfunctional. Every healthy, loving, supportive link that i had to that family legacy died very early, as if marked by a curse. And my dad, who was uhh not so healthy, did too.

I can only connect to that history by doing things like talking to my one surviving uncle, exchanging foggy memories with one another to try and clarify things as best we can, reading about the region, doing geneaological research, and connecting with local tribes as well as heritage groups that preserve some vestiges of the culture, and cultures tangentially close to what once was there. I find it healing while also feeling like a fraud and an interloper, but I have settled on the understanding that keeping these words and practices alive and giving to them without demanding anything for myself is the right thing to do. And a whole lot of mourning. But if you are Indigenous at all, then mourning what is lost while fighting to preserve what is not is kind of the very culture itself, too.

On the other side of my family, it is harder. They were more present in my life, and less dysfunctional, but there is a profound hollowness there. My dad, my grandma, my uncle, my relatives who died before I got to know them, they were marked with trauma...but they were outspoken, and distinct, and so vibrantly alive. I can take the good with the bad of them and see a rich, full humanness. It sounds so terrible to say, but i find it very challenging to locate the humanity in my mother's side of the family. They do nearly all that they can to choke it out. I'm trying to not be resentful anymore of what they never learned how to do. So instead I will just be sad. Being around them is so cold. It's so lonely. Except for my sister.

Sorry, I made all of this about myself, but I hope some of this is resonant. I think there are ways you can connect with your Indigeneity even if your feelings toward your direct relations are quite negative. There's a lot of talk in Native spaces about pretendians and people not knowing their people and having no family ties and that exists for a reason, but it can sometimes scare the wrong people away, much as talk about straight people in queer spaces can drive the wrong people away. There are ways to forge new connections and practice a culture and find your people if you do not have them already, and some of my friends have shown me that. But you also do not have to if all the associations with that background are just...too upsetting and too linked to trauma. It might be healing to find your own way of relating to it, or maybe just connecting with the culture that you have fond warm feelings and associations with is the path for you. I miss my parternal grandmother so much. She was a truly radiant and special person. Decades after her death, my uncle, her son, still says she was his very best friend. And it's not even in a toxic way. she was just that wonderful a person. ive never been loved quite so actively, nurtured and made to grow while also listened to. i am so thankful i got that even for just thirteen years. and sometimes honoring her is just being a searcher and having a fiery spirit inside me and going to yard sales and crushing at trivial pursuit.

[ceasarslegion]

Uncle story?

Oh boy!

So the first thing i need to say about my uncle is that he is an idiot. Terminally stupid and also the most self-righteous bastard I've ever met. Truly deadly combo.

I must also start by clarifying that this is not the same openly gay uncle who is a Scottish lord and ran for mayor of a small Saskatchewan town because he was bored and won and then showed up to all the official things in a top hat. That is technically my great uncle and on my dad's side. We must not smear that uncle's name due to confusing him with my mom's brother who is too stupid to realize how stupid he is and thinks the fact that no one can understand what the fuck he's ever talking about is a sign of intelligence.

So my uncle is openly gay. And he lives in the UK as a dual dutch-canadian citizen. He is engaged to an Israeli man (do not discourse on this post. I mention his nationality to highlight something else I will mention. Just some guy who doesn't even live there is not responsible for a certain conflict going on). He also grew up in Dubai but family went back to Canada for a spell around when he entered high school. He works as a travel agent last time I checked, but he can never hold down a job for more than a few months without getting fired so who knows at this point.

You're with me, yes? Gay, immigrant, fiance from another country, grew up in the gulf?

This motherfucker. Said he would vote for Trump if he were american and that brexit was a good idea. And is anti-immigration. And thinks feminism is cancer. And once tried to convince my mom that men across the UK were being arrested for "stare-rape" which is apparently when you just look at a woman in public and she can then claim you raped her with your eyes. And thinks pride is pedophilic. And thinks bisexuality is just people who want to be special and can't pick a side. And the only person he's still on speaking terms with in my immediate family is my grandma who is just as toxic as he is stupid.

My dad once said, word for word, while a few drags into a blunt: "if I ever see [uncle] again, I'm going to beat the shit out of him for what he said about my son." I don't know what exactly happened to get him kicked out of my parents apartment when they cut ties with him during a visit, but I know it was a screaming match over something to do with me. I had long moved out at that point so I wasn't there to see it. And this is coming from the mouth of the same guy from my red bull and snickers post, my dad is not a violent or scary guy and I've never seen him lay a hand on anybody.

My uncle and I used to be really close when I was a kid because he's a very artistic person, and I was too. We were the two creatives in the family. Also as a queer kid who didn't know he was trans yet I was naturally drawn to queer masculine influences. This fell apart pretty quickly when I started like, growing into my own person instead of a carbon copy of the people around me. He was steadily becoming dumber and dumber to me but it really came to a head in 2016

So trump wins the US election. I am still living in Abu Dhabi at this point and I had just graduated high school in June of that year. My boss is American. She is devastated and says she's going home early that day because she needs a few hours to process what's gonna happen now. At my desk I make a Facebook post saying that if any of the americans I knew refused to vote over your own self-righteous bs that I don't want to talk to you again because you clearly cared more about having the moral high ground than sucking it up for the people who trump will go on to hurt. This post is a big hit among my Arab majority peers.

This goes on without incident. 3 months later my uncle comments a big essay on it sucking trumps dick and saying some pseudo-qanon shit about Hillary Clinton. I respond citing actual sources and hit him where it hurts: Mike pence's then-plan to divert AIDS research funding into conversion therapy.

I go back to work (I am at work when the response happens too). About an hour later my phone buzzes on my desk. I open it to an essay twice the size in my messenger DMs from him crytyping about how I've changed and turned into such a whiny SJW, how I'm no longer the same person i was when I was 11 (damn I hope so), how I'm such a bully now (YOU CAME ONTO *MY* POST 3 MONTHS LATER???), and uh, no word of a lie, that he can't be racist because he dated a black man in high school. I. I never mentioned race in the post or my response to him. He brought that up on his own.

I ended up calling him out on it by replying to his public comment with "hey if you're gonna cry about how you're not racist in my inbox for pages and pages on end like that because someone said you were being stupid at least do it in the same place you were flaunting your idiocy, damn."

We didn't talk for a good couple years after that. And then something came up and we talked again for a bit, I don't remember exactly what anymore but we had to interact in person for it. I was willing to be civil, he started by doing the equivalent of crossing his arms and pouting until I said sorry for how mean I was to such a sensitive little muffin on the internet. Very mature guy I'm related to here isn't he. Insane how he's the uncle and I'm the nephew huh

This lasted for a good 2 weeks. Because the pokemon sun and moon leaks happened and I showed him the character models for red and blue and joked that they looked like a newlywed couple on their honeymoon in Hawaii. Pokemon was one of the few things we could still agree on at this point, so i was trying to bridge a gap with a family member with it. Thinking that he would appreciate the joke as a gay man.

He exploded at me. Like full on screaming exploded at me over that. He yelled about how homophobic I was, that i had no right to call myself queer because I hadn't been sexually assaulted or threatened to be murdered (HE HASNT EITHER??? LIKE HE VERY MUCH HASNT 😭😭😭 also you are making a LOT of assumptions about the life of someone you made NO effort to be a part of despite him giving you every olive branch you could possibly grab), that it was insulting to every gay person in the world to say that the best representation we deserved was pokemon (THATS NOT WHAT I SAID??? Also what's wrong with a gay pokemon character 😭 how is that insulting 😭😭) and that I had no idea what it was like to suffer for my identity. He said this while I was living in a place where queer people got executed for being moral degenerates btw.

Something in me snapped that day and I responded with "oh tell me more about how hard your life was in your dubai villa with an in-ground pool and a hired nanny. I'll truly never suffer as much as you have. Tell me more about how you threw the first brick at stonewall."

My parents had to stop themselves from laughing at that response and steered me out before my uncle could explode even more, and I never talked to him again.

[thewickerking]

hey. what?

well. For context everyone im assuming this ask is referring to this post and my tags below

im assuming because of the. The.

Many. Prev tags on it lmao but anyways here's more context. ill try to keep specific elements vague cause i don't want to doxx my grandma and by extension myself. But yeah let's go

my grandma (maternal) ran away from home in her teens (not sure the exact year/age but 70s ish) to join the circus and worked there for an amount of time doing ticket sales and miscellaneous jobs that aren't performance based

she met a guy also working there and they dated. this guy joined a satanic cult after joining the circus (? I think. Mightve been the other way around) and performed ritualistic sacrifice within the cult/with his murder victims. he was not in charge of the cult but was an active member and serial killer across around 4 states, maybe more (evidence was found for about 4 states iirc)

anyways he got caught for evidence of multiple murders but confessed to upwards of 20 (they couldn't find evidence of this so its unclear if he was exaggerating or if there simply wasn't enough irrefutable evidence) and went to prison while my grandma was pregnant and she was also arrested as an accomplice and had her kid in prison. She was 18 at the time. Idk how long she spent in prison but it was long enough to have her son taken away

her son (first of her four children, was my oldest uncle on my moms side) has adopted parents who changed his first and last name and didn't let him know about his biological parents (and were also extremely abusive) and so my mother and her siblings and her mom did unsuccessful research to find him over the years and he found our family a few years before he turned 30 (my moms ten years younger than him btw) and we've been in contact since and he was my personal favorite of my moms siblings

Oh also the serial killer got sentenced to life without parole and is currently on death row. My uncle died last year from unrelated circumstance (I posted about it some last year if anyone remembers) and my mom adopted 2 of 3 of his kids (3rd was a legal adult already) and then they got kidnapped and their kidnappers won the custody battle against my mom so. Yeah

Oh also worth noting my mom is the youngest of the four. my grandma had four kids with different men so im not related to the serial killer but he is in my family tree? Anyways yeah different fathers. My grandma remembers the serial killer and my moms father (my abuelito ♡ love him) but doesn't remember the fathers of the middle children (my aunt and uncle). So they're my moms half siblings technically and nobody knows if the middle children have other half siblings on their dads' sides 🤷‍♂️ but my mom has a half sister on her dad's side! She's 2 years younger than me bc my abuelito got married to his ex wife later in life but they're not together anymore (?) Not sure. They broke up idk if they legally divorced but they live in different countries and don't talk to each other. So.

Id love to meet her someday! But I don't know if thats feasible. She lives in Mexico and only speaks spanish so it would certainly be difficult. But I want to.... she almost immigrated to the United States like. 6 years ago?? My mom paid for documents to be legally translated and stuff but stuff happened and it didn't go through.she also tried to kill her mom once. But she's doing better. That's all a long story. We have a picture of her in our house from when she was little!

Ok thats very tangent-y. I have a lot of family stories. But also if anyone was curious this post below was also about my maternal grandmother

shes a white woman who likes to weaponise having "friends" in nepal when people are mean to her. She's a character. if ppl are curious abt any of this i will answer btw i love talking abt my family they're deranged